Parents Struggle With 'The Talk,' But Experts Say Conversations Are Key

Parents have long been expected to guide their children through the complexities of sex and relationships — but many are finding it far from easy. A new national survey of 1,918 parents has revealed that while most feel confident discussing puberty (38%) and body image (45%), far fewer are comfortable talking about masturbation (12%) or sexual satisfaction (13%).

The report also highlights gender differences: mothers are more likely than fathers to initiate these conversations (32.3% versus 23.9%). The biggest barriers? Children feeling uncomfortable or refusing to engage — coupled with parents’ own anxieties about saying the wrong thing or not knowing how to start.

Yet experts warn that silence comes at a cost. “If teenagers know their parents are open to non-judgemental discussions about sex, they’re more likely to share what’s happening in their lives, ask questions and seek help when needed,” the report states.

Tips for Talking to Teens

The study outlines several strategies to help parents, even those who feel awkward:

1. Start early. Conversations should begin in early childhood with age-appropriate discussions about bodies, reproduction and puberty. Early talks make it easier to continue into adolescence — though experts stress it’s never too late to start.

   
   

2. Use everyday opportunities. Sex and relationships frequently appear in TV shows, films and news stories. Parents can use these moments to ask what their teens think and encourage open dialogue without pushing a particular message.

   
   

3. Avoid only saying “don’t.” Telling teens not to have sex or avoid pornography rarely works and may close down future conversations. Instead, support them in making safe, thoughtful decisions about relationships, contraception and sexual health.

4. Share stories. Personal anecdotes — about a first relationship, kiss or awkward date — can humanize the topic and encourage honesty. If parents aren’t comfortable, stories from books or news can help.

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2. Acknowledge embarrassment. Admitting awkwardness, or even laughing about it, can make both parents and teens more relaxed.

3. Prepare and practise. Reading up on issues and practising conversations with a partner or friend can make difficult discussions easier.

   
   

Will Talking About Sex Encourage It?

One common concern among parents is that discussing sex might encourage teens to become sexually active earlier. But evidence suggests otherwise. “Talking about sex will not encourage a young person to have sex before they are ready,” the report says.

Instead, experts argue that being “sex positive” means balancing messages about responsibility with an understanding that, in the right circumstances, sex can be safe and enjoyable. Teaching young people about consent and respect also relies on encouraging them to articulate what they like — and don’t like — in order to establish healthy boundaries.

While schools play a role, the report makes it clear that parents are central to supporting young people through one of the most important aspects of their development. By starting small, staying open and showing empathy, parents can make “the talk” less of a dreaded milestone — and more of an ongoing conversation.